When I awoke this morning and immediately I found myself a bit frustrated because once again I didn’t catch myself falling asleep. For the past couple of weeks, (when I remember) I’ve been mindfully trying to observe myself falling into sleep. I normally don’t get to bed until around 2 a.m. and by then I’m exhausted so if by then I remember that I want to observe my sleep process… its a miracle!

When I do remember I get excited because I just know tonight is going to be the night… tonight I’m going to watch and observe myself fall asleep. So after the initial rush of exhilaration I lye there and I observe my thoughts. It all goes quite well for the first minute or so and then all of a sudden I’m off thinking about the most random things or reminiscing over something that happened years ago. I’ve gotten to the point where I’ll catch myself 2-3 times off on a tangent thinking about something as opposed observing… it doesn’t take long before I’m waking up at 5 a.m. to go use the bathroom and I wonder where did I go wrong!

I’m not sure what I’m expecting to happen or if this is even possible. I suppose what I’m hoping for is to cultivate an ability to observe myself falling asleep right down to the moment I let go. What I’d like to be able to do is observe my thoughts not control them but observe them and as they taper off move my attention to my breath and then perhaps count down to sleep. Is this even possible? I don’t know but I’m going to find out.

If I can do this, observe my sleeping process then the next step for me is lucid dreaming.

If you really think about it when you go to sleep every night you don’t really do anything falling asleep happens of its own accord, I’m guessing this is basically how it is when death comes to you. Each night you are literally one day closer to dying but right now you have the opportunity to observe a petite death in yourself. Metaphorically speaking you die every night you go to bed so why not take advantage of that and observe?

We might also take this opportunity to let all the troubles of the previous day die with us. When you awake the next day you should awake to that moment not yesterday. When you awake to that moment stay there, that’s where you need to be, that’s where all the energy and vitality is… that’s were you belong. Think of it as your petite resurrection!

This isn’t easy to do and like I said I’m playing with it myself now but isn’t it easy to see the fortunate circumstance we find ourselves in each night. We have the opportunity to be mindful and observe something that most of us take for granted, falling asleep and waking up… the petite death and petite resurrection.

You can absolutely have a new beginning each day! Like Penelope Cruz said in the movie Vanilla Sky, “every passing moment is another chance to turn it all around”.

[[[ Sweet dreams! ]]]